So my 32 week ultrasound was this week. Not only is it my last ultrasound, I knew it would be the appointment where we could finally discuss delivery options.
As I mentioned in my 32 week baby update, baby looked great! My OB said that baby is head down, placenta out of the way, and the perfect size (49th percentile) to try for a VBAC.*Sigh*
I LOVE that my OB is pro VBAC. It’s something that was a big deal to me when I found out P was breech and I wouldn’t be able to have a vaginal birth. Thinking back to that time, I actually cried when I found out I was going to have surgery. I had never been “under the knife” before so the thought of being cut open after going through all the birth classes and mentally preparing for a VB was truthfully terrifying.
Now I’m on the other side of the fence. Since the beginning, I’ve mentally prepared to have a repeat, scheduled c-section. The thought of having a VB has crossed my mind and I strike it down with crazy lightning bolts.
Although my OB said she will ultimately support what I want, I feel a little bit of pressure to follow her recommendation of strongly considering a VBAC. Still, my first instict is to just go with a scheduled c-section but obviously things can happen. I thought Palmer was going to be a simple c-section but it wasn’t. I labored but never dialated. Almost 11-12 hours of contractions with no pain management and nothing happening, I knew I didn’t want to go through labor again. It was terrible. I was not prepared for that (pain management has always been part of my plan due to anxiety) and I think it’s the main reason for my intense anxiety towards VB during this pregnancy.
I may be open to a VBAC if my water breaks prior to 39 weeks and labor is progressing quickly. I don’t want a 30+ hr labor followed by a c-section. It seems traumatic for both me and the baby. Cue straight up panic attacks in the delivery room. I like the idea of scheduling the c-section, not going into labor beforehand, a relaxing morning where my ILs come over and I can kiss my little girl (in a semi-relaxed state) before heading off to the hospital and being whisked away into the OR for a very uneventful c-section. 3 days later, I can return home with my whole family and begin the full recovery process in my own home. No stress to Palmer or Tyson and relatively low stress (and anxiety) for me and Erin.
I think I’m struggling so much with this decision because I know there are many women that WISH this was an option for them. I feel like I’m selfishly choosing the “easy way out”. To be clear, I don’t think any option is “easy” but I know there are some women out there that feel having a baby via c/s is not the real way to have a baby. I’m essentially shaming myself into making a decision based off of other people’s opinions. There is no “right” way of doing things, especially when it comes to pregnancy and kids. That still doesn’t stop me from worrying about what others think or what others may think the right thing to do is.
So this is me, trying to make an important decision. I have paper completely surrounding me as I make pros and cons lists and I’ve basically worn myself out. My gut is telling me to schedule the RSC for 39 weeks and to be open to VBAC if water breaks prior to that date. I have a little over 6 weeks to mentally prepare for a baby coming vaginally, should I go with that option.
I am supposed to make a decision by end of day today so I’ve only really had 2 days to mull over options. My OB’s medical assistant told me it’s okay if I need to tell her Tuesday but my OB said today so, as a rule follower, I’m struggling to decide if I should take the weekend to decide. Ahhhh… as if being pregnant wasn’t hard enough, why do I have to make these tough decisions???